Ngay 2 thang 12!

Ngay 2 thang 12...co le doi voi nhieu nguoi thi hom nay cung chi la mot ngay binh thuong nhu nhung ngay khac. Con doi voi em thi hom nay...mot nam ve truoc...la ngay ma e da mai mai mat anh. Thoi gian troi qua nhanh qua anh oi. Cho den bay gio em van khong tin la anh da mai mai roi xa em. Doi voi em tat ca chi nhu moi ngay hom qua. O noi dau em cung thay anh, thay anh mat ngot ngao luc anh nhin em, thay nu cuoi am ap khi em o ben anh va thay vong tay anh dang rong don em vao long.Em nho lam luc anh goi em la cong chua xinh dep cua anh, nho lam nhung luc nhin a loay hoay nau an roi lai loay hoay don dep nha cua, nho lam luc e ngu day nhin thay a dang o ngoai san sua xe cho em giua troi trua nang chi vi cai chong xe luc nao cung lam em buc minh va con nhieu nhieu nhung ki uc ngot ngao khac ma anh da mang lai cho em nua. Chinh vi tat ca nhung dieu anh mang lai cho em qua ngot ngao ma gio day em lai cang dau long khi em mat anh. Hanh phuc cua em la co anh va duoc o ben anh. Nhe nhang! Am ap! Binh yen! Chi don gian nhu vay thoi ma sao em khong the giu duoc tron ven.

Em mai mai khong bao gio quen duoc cai ngay ma e tro ve nha va nhan duoc tin bao. E da nga quy khi nguoi ta noi voi em rang "Bence mat roi". Chi von ven co 3 tu ma sao nhu hang ngan mui dao dam thang vao trai tim em nhu vay. Luc do em van mo ho, hi vong rang do chi la mot su nham lan cho den khi moi nguoi dua em den noi ma anh dang o do, chi den khi em nhin thay tren nguoi anh la chiec ao ma em noi la em thich nhat va em biet la anh da co tinh mac de ve gap em. Em thay anh o do, lanh leo va co don qua...moi nguoi noi anh van cho em...anh nam do, van la anh cua em ma sao anh hoc hac va xanh xao den vay...dua tay vuot mat cho anh ma em tuong nhu minh khong the nao song noi nua. Tim em vo vun, dau oc em trong rong. Sup do! Chang con lai gi ngoai noi dau.

Neu co ai do hoi em tinh yeu la gi, hanh phuc la gi, binh yen la gi hay nhieu nhieu nhung cau hoi khac nua thi cau tra loi cho tat ca nhung cau hoi do la "anh". Anh la tinh yeu cua em, la niem tin va hi vong cua em, la hanh phuc cua em va la li do de moi sang em thuc day biet rang em dang yeu va duoc yeu. Anh la ca the gioi doi voi em...de roi khi mat anh, em nhu nguoi roi xuong khoang khong vo dinh tu tren dinh cao cua hanh phuc. E da co tat ca va roi cung mat di tat ca. Em noi em yeu anh ma em lai khong the giu anh ben minh. Em noi em yeu anh ma em da chang the lam gi de mang anh quay ve. Em chi biet bat luc nhin anh dan dan roi xa em. Tinh yeu cua em, nuoc mat cua em da khong du de mang anh quay ve. Nhieu dem nam mo thay anh, duoc o ben anh...giat minh thuc giac moi cay dang nhan ra do chi la giac mo. Nhung khi ki uc ve anh tran ve, em chi con biet khoc. Em san sang danh doi moi thu chi mong co anh va duoc o ben anh ma sao cung khong duoc, anh oi!

Moi nguoi noi voi em rang, cho du o noi dau anh van dang doi theo em, co phai khong anh? Anh van yeu em nhu anh da noi rang em se mai mai la endless love cua anh phai khong? Anh van dang nhin em bang anh mat va nu cuoi am ap do, anh van o ngay ben canh em...e chi khong the nhin thay anh duoc thoi phai khong anh? Sao anh khong ve day ben em? Em qua lac long trong cai the gioi bao la rong lon nay. Khong ai mang lai cho em cam giac binh yen. Khong ai mang lai cho em niem tin va cam giac an toan. Em can co anh! Can anh cho che va la cho dua vung chac cho em. Can anh nam chat tay em de minh cung nhau di het doan duong doi.
Em khong biet roi day em se yeu ai nua hay khong...khong biet roi day se co ai yeu em nhieu nhu anh da yeu em khong. Cho du thoi gian co tim cho em mot nguoi nao moi di nua, thi anh van mai mai la tinh yeu vinh cuu cua em. Anh la mot phan trong em va anh luon luon co mot vi tri dac biet trong trai tim em. Khong bao gio thay doi...cung khong ai co the thay the...chi danh cho rieng anh ma thoi!

Em van mai yeu anh!

Nagyon hianyzol hercegem! Mindig rad gondolok!! Millio puszi az en hercegemnek!

Talán rémálom?

Telnek a napok könnyekbe burkolva,
a szívemen tátongó seb nem gyógyul ...
Akárhány ősz is jöjjön el,
akárhány éjszakán sírjunk fel,
melyen gyűrt, keserű arccal ébredünk,
vagy csillámló legyen nyarunk és telünk,
Te már sosem örülhetsz velünk,
sosem ölelhetünk s foghatjuk a kezed,
most már Téged mindig angyali kéz vezet.

Hiába torzul ajkunk sírásra,
nem számíthatunk se magunkra, se másra
abban, hogy ide visszahozzunk Téged
a mi világunkba, s végre így érjen véget
...ez a borzalmas rémálom!

Happy Birthday my prince!

Happy birthday to my chubby prince!!! I'm singing the Happy Birthday song for you...Can you hear it? I wish I could be with you today...as well as I was wishing you were by my side on my birthday. I don't know why we have to stay apart like that. I had many plan in my mind for your birthday but...I hope in the heaven, you'r happy! I wish I could call you one more time "my chubby prince"...

Honey oi, It's already too long for travel...Why don't you come back to me? I miss you and I need you in my life!

Honey, how are you? The raining season is back here. Make me even more sad and lonely without you. My birthday was 2 days ago. I didnt want to celebrate because it doesn't have any meaning if you'r not here by my side. I went to work...and I was very touched. Everybody at the office celebrated birthday for me. They cooked special food, bought flower and birthday cake for me. And then my best friends celebrated again for me...So I got 2 birthday cake and many flowers. I was very happy till I saw one guy. Honey I couldn't believe in my eyes. He looked exactly the same to you. I don't know why God wanna play with my heart like that. Or he think i dont have enough hurt? At the moment I just saw him, all in my mind was you and I just wanted to run to him and hug him. I was hoping and thinking that was you. Why God let me met that guy, especially on my birthday...is the day that I miss you even more...the day that I want you badly. God took you away from me and then he let me met someone like you on my birthday...Does he need to hurt me by this merciless way? Can you ask him please stop hurting me honey? My heart is broken.

Honey I miss you! I can't even breath because of missing you. I feel too hurt. Why did you bring me all the happiness and then u go away? I was the happiest girl in the world when we were together. My life was very easy when I was with you, full of love and happiness. But you took my heart and my happiness with you. My life doesn't have meaning without you honey. You know that you're my all. Why did you leave me here alone? I feel like a fish out of water in this big world. I can't believe anyone. I need you by my side! Can you hear me?

Honey, I'm sorry I didn't write to you. I wish you could know how much I miss you! I thought I could get over....but it's too difficult. You always come to my mind. Do you still keep our ring? I'm still wearing it.And actually it hurt me a lot because I miss you like crazy. But I feel safer when I wear it, I feel like you'r by my side. I really miss you, I miss the time we were together. For me that was the happiest time...when I had you. How can I do to bring you back honey? I can't stand when you'r away from me. I get used to have you by my side. I miss your smile, your laugh, your voice. I miss the warm feeling whenever you hug me. I really need you honey oi! In the heaven, do you miss me?

4 months! It's not too long but also not short. 4 months without you. 4 months we've been apart. 4 months since you went to the heaven. Honey, 4 months is long enough for travel. Can you please come back to me?

Honey oi, I'm so tired these days. Busy working and training for the new airline. Are you happy there? Are you in peace now? Sometimes I feel empty and so lonely. I don't know if it's easier for me now...My pain just become deeper and deeper. Until now,I still don't believe that you'r gone. Althouth I know that I have to accept it. I just want you to know that there's always a special place for you in my heart honey. I miss you! Send you lot of love and kisses!!!

I just came back from the pagoda. Today is the 100th day. Time goes by so quickly,no? Today I came with my mom because she also wanted to see you. Did you see us when we were there? I was telling myself that I'll not cry but I couldn't stand. I don't want you to see I'm crying. I just want you to remember my happy face.
Do you still remember our song? I'm still singing it for you sometime. Can you hear it? But I can't sing this song well by myself. I remember when we were walking along the river and singing this song together. I remember every our sweet memories. And because it was too sweet...it make me hurt now. How can I release this pain honey?

Tuesday will be the 100th day. The time goes by so quickly. But till now, I still can't believe that you'r gone. Whenever I see your photos, I still feel that you'r here. And everything like just happened yesterday.
It's heavy raining here. Make me miss you even more. I wish I could feel warm in your arms again. Where are you honey? Are you in the heaven or you go to the next life already? Will you wait for me?

Honey oi! Are you lonely there on Valentine day? I'm lonely here, inside me. If you were here, we could cook together, sing together and celebrate our Valentine. I just want to be with you. Now I hate Valentine. I hate weekend. I hate holiday. I hate everything that remind me the loneliness...remind me that you'r gone. All our time together just feels like yesterday. I never thought I'd see a single day without you.We never seemeed to care, coz we thought we'd have a lot of time,we'd have the rest of our life together. And I also thought that you'd always be there. It's really hard to let you go. Though I know I must try. All the tears I cry, no matter how I try. God will never bring you back to me. Won't you wait for me in heaven?

Honey,
How are you? I was too busy so that I couldn't write you these days. I got sick and motorbike accident. Everything was so bad with me on this time. I wish you were here. Whenever I had the problem before, I just remind myself that I'm going to see you...and it was not so bad then. Just be with you I don't care about anything. But now when I have problem, you'r not there with me anymore. And I feel even worse. Why did you leave me honey? I feel like a fish out of water in this big world. I miss you! I miss the time we were together! It's always hurt when I see our photos on my phone. Honey oi...

I just finish work and get home. Nobody home. I'm very very sad today. It rained here. I feel empty and exhausted. I couldn't control my tears when I saw couples everywhere...in the airport, out on the street. I remember that I used to be happy more than that...I also remember that I used to have someone who always wait for me when I finish work. When I past by the places where we were together, I saw the image of us. I saw you were there with the open arms but when I run to you, you'r gone. I have to back to reality and my heart died within me. I'm dying because of missing you honey. I want to escape from the reality of losing you.

I miss your smile,your laugh,your voice. I miss every our sweet memories. I miss calling you chubby. I miss calling to wake you up every morning. Now I just can see you through the photos, talk to you in my dream. I never thought that I'll lose you. I was confident that you'll be with me for the rest of my life so I wasn't afraid of anything. I knew that you'r important to me...but I didn't even know how important you'r till you'r gone. I said that I love you, but it's more than love I feel inside. I just need to know what I have to do to bring you back, I'll do my best without hesitating. I can give up everything. I can give my all to take you back. I don't need anything. I just need you honey.

God...can you please give him back to me???

The 49th...

Yesterday was the 49th day. I came to the pagoda when I put your photo there. Did you get clothes and some stuffs that I burned for you? People said that the spirit will come back to see the family before go to the heaven on the 49th day. I believe that you came back to see me....I just couldn't see you right? Are you cold there? A little bit cold these days here. I wish you were here to warm me up. But I know it will never be true. I never can feel you in my arms again.
I really feel exhausted. How can I do honey? Until now, I still don't understand why God could let us meet if there is no way for us to be together forever. After all that we have been through, I know that you were a part of me. Eventhough I'm still alive but I know there is a space inside me.
I hope that you'r happy in the heaven. I'm not there but in mind, I'm always with you. I'm always by your side. I miss you and love you!! Millio puszi!!!

7 hét

Tegnap volt 7 hete, hogy itt hagytál mindenkit. Nekem egyetlen ajándékot hagytál itt, hogy esténként álmaimban találkozhatunk és beszélgethetünk, remélem ez mindig így marad. Legalább ennyi....
Sajnos az idő nem segít, napról napra roszabb és fájdalmasabb. Szóval jöhetnél gyakrabban álmot látogatni.

"Oly csúnya a halál... és az a rettenetes hogy a többi ember élve marad."

A szívem hoztam el, csinálj vele
Amit akarsz. És nem tudok mast tenni
És nem fáj nekem semmi, semmi, semmi,
Csak a karom, mert nem öleltelek.

I can't stand...

Honey I know I shouldn't be like that but I really can't stand. It becomes harder and harder. I thought I could get over it. But it's not true. I tried to act like I'm very strong and I get over it in front of everybody. But after that, when I'm alone in my room, when I face the true that I lost you, I even feel worse. Without you I can't do anything because of my weak heart. I keep thinking, I keep searching you. Until now, I still don't understand why God took you back. Why did he separate us? Did I do something wrong that I have to swallow this pain? If death is the punishment, I'll receive it all. I'd rather die than lose you. How can I forget you? How can I erase you even it's so painful? I don't have the confidence to live without you. Even if I cry thousand times, I still just want to be with you. Because I love you. I want to scream loudly in front of God that I love you.
I'm afraid someday I can't even see you in my dream. I can't even feel you by my side anymore. But many people said that I should let you go to the next life. I can't drag you here. I'll let you go honey. But the memories of you will always be in my heart. Can you wait for me in the next life? We'll be together again. I'll search for you. I yearn!
Millio puszi!!!

Sose felejtelek el Beni!!!

Drága Barátom Bence...
December másodika óta folyamatosan csak keresem a válaszokat, de hiába... Nagyon sok minden kavarog bennem és iszonyatosan fáj, hogy többet nem találkozhatunk ...

Kicsit félve tekintek előre hiszen az egyetlen igaz barátomat veszítettem el, akire mindig büszke voltam, számíthattam, támaszkodhattam....

Hiányozni fognak a hosszan tartó beszélgetéseink, tanácsaid, azok a nagy álmodozások amiket mindig óriási lelkesedéssel és boldogsággal osztottál meg velem... A humorod, a jó kedved amire életem végéig emlékezni fogok...

Köszönöm neked azt a sok jót amit kaptam, kaptunk kis családommal... Köszönöm őszinte barátságodat aminek sok szép emlékét örökre megörzöm, és köszönöm, hogy rövidke életednek részese lehettem...
Igérem kisfiam, keresztfiad Isti, megtudja milyen csodálatos ember voltál és idővel remélem megérti miért is nem láthatja többé a NAGY Bencét. Még a mai napig így szólít...

Teljes erőmmel azon vagyok, hogy tudjam folytatni mindennapjaimat, hiszen van még feladatom, és tudom, hogy te is ezt várnád el tőlem...
Bízom benne, hogy eljön az a nap amikor megértem miért kellett ennek megtörténnie és miért kellett itt hagynod minket... Bárcsak tudnál segíteni...
Az ég, a repülés, a szabadság volt a mindened... Szeretném és akarom azt hinni, hogy most is ott vagy!

„Vigyázz Magadra”

Nem akarok búcsúzni.... és nem is tudok.. Hozzád köt ezernyi emlék, tárgy és érzés.. amelyben tovább élsz, itt vagy velünk minden egyes nap, és itt leszel, a szívünkben... örökre!!!!

Nem tudom.

Ezt a halál kérdést én nem értem. 2008-at írunk, holnap lesz egy hónapja, de én ugyanúgy semmit sem értek mindmáig ...
Nem értem mi az, hogy halál. Láttam, látom, hogy filmekben halnak meg emberek; tudom, hogy az idősek is sajnos meghalnak; meghalnak a katonák a háborúban. De az én öcsém nem halhat meg. Ő fiatalabb, mint én és egyszerűen 34 évesen nem halhat meg! 34 évesen egészséges emberek nem halnak meg.

Semmivel sem érzem külömbnek magamat a kisgyerekeknél, akiknek a szülei nem akarják elmagyarázni, hogy mi az a halál, mert úgy sem értik meg. Én meg kellene, hogy értsem, de nem tudom.
Bence itt kellene, hogy legyen velünk, de nem lehet. Most épp nem tud itt lenni. De nagyon hiányzik és nagyon akarom, hogy itt legyen már ...

Én ezt a halál kérdést nem és nem és nem értem.